No Time for Love or Education

It is the end of the year and with that comes being tired. There is something about the end of the year that makes us all feel slow. Then comes the new year which fills us with energy. It is a new start, a time to make change. This happens year after year. We make ourselves the same promises and set goals to do something different. However at the end of the year, we just want to curl up on our coach and watch Dick Clark’s creepily preserved body welcome us into the new year.

This has been the first year where I feel I have had little or no time for self improvement. Usually there are a few months scattered through out the year where I have little to no work and nothing else going on around me. I always spend that time reading, working out or trying to flesh out the latest idea that popped into my head. I have not had that kind of time this year. I also usually have plenty of time to take my wife on dates. We would get out of town for the weekend for no reason at all and waste hours doing nothing important. This year has been different.

I know that having a one year old is part of that change. I am exhausted from work and my wife is exhausted from our child at the end of the day and that leaves a small amount of energy for interaction. The small amount of energy that we have left only allows us to run the rest of it out on a tv show or perhaps scanning a few of our favorite blog sites as we sit next to each other in bed on our iPads. Neither one of us are addicted to our devices, we just don’t have enough energy left over to get creative or spontaneous. This is something that has to change soon.

Despite all of that, my wife and I have a wonderful relationship. Of course there are always areas to work and improve upon, but I am happy with my marriage and could not imagine having found a better person to spend the rest of my life with. Because of that, I desire to make it better for us. I want to be spontaneous and not allow repetition to rule our evenings together. At the same time, I want some of that free time to keep myself current and up to date with what is going on in the world of the things I care about. I just opened my blog reader for the first time in over a week. Over 7,000 unread articles. I don’t typically read all of the articles but all I have been doing lately is reading the titles and adding the interesting sounding titles to my Readitlater account.

This writing is starting to sound like a rant on how life has gotten to be overwhelming but I am meaning it to be a fleshing out of what needs to change. Even though we are 2 months away from having our second child, we can still get out and do things. I need to factor that in. It needs to happen regardless of the plan. Not everything has to be dinner and floor seats to Josh Groban. As much as I wish I could provide that level of experience to my wife each day, I can’t make that happen. I need to connect with the Grandmas and set standing date night orders.

Just a few hours ago Sean and I were both commenting on how worn out we are. There is something about an upcoming holiday and the end of the year that makes us both want to just be done with it. It has been a long year. I am ready to relax for a few days and let the rest of 2011 run it’s course. When 2012 gets here I can hit the ground running with a renewed enthusiasm, not because I want it to go that way, it is just how it seems to go. I am 31 years old and it has worked that way my whole life. Who knows, maybe 2012 will be different. (Insert pause for sarcasm to set in)

All of my frustrations and complaints can be summed up into one word: reprioritization. If I simply reorganize my priorities I could handle what I want to handle and the rest would fall away. I am slow to change in this area. I have adjusted my priorities many times over the years, but now I must work to make that process happen faster.

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