Shame derives it’s powers from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists. It’s easy to keep us quiet.
Brene Brown
This quote rings true in my life in many ways. Shame has perpetuated the majority of negative actions in my life. Without going into the details of my sin, shame has kept me returning to it time after time when I want nothing more than freedom from it. Shame gets its power from being unspeakable. You make a mistake, get upset with yourself, your self-talk becomes negative, and the cycle repeats. You feel alone.
Over time, a need to control something develops, which likely presents in some form of perfectionism. Perfectionism is simply a need for control which perpetuates itself just as shame does.
It’s not fun to share things you are ashamed of, and that’s why we bury it inside. We don’t like discomfort and don’t want others to think less of us.
However, I have found that every person I come in contact with has something they feel shame over. If only we let our guard down and opened up to each other. Shame would lose its power over us, and we would feel understood. That feeling of being understood would make it more difficult to return to our sin. This is why in James 5:16, NIV it says: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Healing comes from taking the lid off our shame and confiding in others we trust.
Perhaps the bigger challenge is finding someone you can confide in without risk of ruin.