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Doubt

Posted on by Jerad Hill

Doubt sets in quickly. After a long run of success, a single setback causes me to doubt if I will ever feel the way I did again. That doubtfulness always leads to feelings of anxiety. It’s crazy how easy it is to deceive myself. These moments remind me of Jeremiah 17.

9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 10 “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.”

Jeremiah 17:9-10

I must remind myself that I do not answer to my heart, as it is not rational but reactionary. My mind controls my heart. If I allow my heart to backflow into my mind and take control, I will lose control. When I can step out of the situation and look at myself from the outside, I can also see that I lack thankfulness.

Whether or not you believe what the Bible says, the phrase “the heart wants what the heart wants” is universal. But, unfortunately, those unable to keep their heart in check find themselves down some dark and troublesome roads.

The statement, “I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds,” to me means that I need to ensure I am leading myself correctly. If the fruit of my deeds is out of alignment, so is my heart, and the results are problematic. But, on the other hand, if the fruit of my deeds aligns with what I desire for my life, my heart and mind must also be in alignment. How could they not be?

Thankfulness is a great way to keep everything aligned. You can’t be thankful and anxious at the same time.

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

My prayer is to never lack thankfulness. Even in dark moments, there is something to be thankful for.

Some things are just hard

Posted on by Jerad Hill

This summer has proven to be pretty challenging. Though we have also had some good times, my family and I have been met with many challenges.

Owning your own business and having a young family of 5 makes for a pretty busy life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, I love my life and what has become of it. What gets hard is when you have issues that arise in multiple areas of your life at once.

So far this summer I have lost my grandmother, made some changes at work, took a 12 day family trip, decided to move to a bigger house, and just recently my wife got over a second occurrence of a week long illness. This time it resulted in a 4 day hospital stay. I am NOT use to anything other than my wife being strong and supportive. If anybody slows down, it’s usually me.

I learned not to be selfish because I used to be one of the most selfish people out there. I came to realize that there are very few people that will be in your life for the long haul. Those people deserve 100 percent of you. They come first before all else. Thankfully I have a business that runs relatively well even if I can’t be in the office every day. When I need to handle family situations, I can be there. It’s what I wanted for my life before I got married and had kids. I’m very thankful that things panned out that way. Being in my profession I could easily be working for a company out of town that would not offer near the flexibility.

In my lifetime I have learned that difficulty comes to me all at once. It is not evenly spread out. I know that God recognizes the fact that I would not deal well with a constant struggle and I am truly blessed to have only had the struggles I have experienced so far. Though they are stressful at the time, I get through them and move on as if nothing ever happened. Moving on is the key to surviving.

What is tough is always assuming that something is around the corner. When I start to get ahead, something happens. It’s like clockwork. I don’t even like to entertain the idea that things are going well because from experience, I know that is just the calm before the storm.

Now it seems that storm has passed, at least until I get the hospital bill. I am starting to catch up on sleep and my blood pressure is probably back to normal. What I realize is that every situation leaves it’s mark on me somehow. It seems to slow me down a bit in one area or another. Growing older means new challenges and hardships to endure. Learning how to meet them and get through them is also a challenge that will probably never end.

My prayer is that God gives me that answer or shows me how I should be handling life in a healthy sustainable way. Everybody has their suggestions on how you should handle things but it’s different for everybody. What works for you might not work for me. Whatever it is, I need to find it. The struggle is real and if we don’t find a solid way of coping with it and strengthening ourselves from it, it will eat us alive.