Category: Blog

The things keeping us alive are likely what we need to die to the most.

I’ve been thinking about this concept a lot in regard to what my life is built on.

For the last few years, I’ve enjoyed an evening drink. It became almost a daily habit, whether a glass of wine or a few fingers of whisky. The drink was part of how I wound down the day. It had become a habit, and on October 18th, I decided I was over it.

I have also become really sedentary. It didn’t happen on purpose. My job keeps me behind the computer, and I haven’t been able to pivot to a more active work lifestyle. A standing desk has not been the answer, but a treadmill desk has been. I’ll report on how things are going as I have more experience.

The point is that we need to look at the comforts in our lives and decide which are serving us and slowly killing us. Sin entered the world when the following statement was accepted: “Surely you will not die.” The truth is that these comforts will not likely kill us instantly, but they will rob us of much that could have been experienced by enduring a moment of discomfort.

Charity begins at home. So does uncharity.

C.S. Lewis

I read this statement from C.S. Lewis many years ago, likely before starting a family. Now having kids that are approaching their teen years, the quote rings differently.

My children will learn to treat people as taught by example at home. It starts at home with how I treat them. Charity, however, does not mean pointless giving. Giving must have meaning, and giving must also be expressed outside of the home.

Charity is a form of sacrifice. Whether we give with our finances or our time, those resources could have been used on ourselves. I desire to find more opportunities for myself and my family to sacrifice our resources for others.

I spent 30 hours alone in a small cabin out in the wilderness with no technology. Everything was left behind for some time to think. I planned to do some hiking as well but forgot my snow boots. It ended up better that way because it gave me time to think.

This time alone away from people and technology allowed me to slow down and clear my mind. It took some time for that to happen as I roamed around the small cabin looking for things to read. I started journaling and have continued to do so. I started reading new books, something else I wanted to make more time for.

The biggest takeaways from my 30 hours in solitude

• Uninterrupted time away from the requirements of the day is essential.
• Ideas are not committed to memory if I’m not writing things down by hand.
• Time spent reading every day is non-negotiable.
• Technology is an essential tool but must be put away during times of focus.

Shame derives it’s powers from being unspeakable. That’s why it loves perfectionists. It’s easy to keep us quiet.

Brene Brown

This quote rings true in my life in many ways. Shame has perpetuated the majority of negative actions in my life. Without going into the details of my sin, shame has kept me returning to it time after time when I want nothing more than freedom from it. Shame gets its power from being unspeakable. You make a mistake, get upset with yourself, your self-talk becomes negative, and the cycle repeats. You feel alone.

Over time, a need to control something develops, which likely presents in some form of perfectionism. Perfectionism is simply a need for control which perpetuates itself just as shame does.

It’s not fun to share things you are ashamed of, and that’s why we bury it inside. We don’t like discomfort and don’t want others to think less of us.

However, I have found that every person I come in contact with has something they feel shame over. If only we let our guard down and opened up to each other. Shame would lose its power over us, and we would feel understood. That feeling of being understood would make it more difficult to return to our sin. This is why in James 5:16, NIV it says: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Healing comes from taking the lid off our shame and confiding in others we trust.

Perhaps the bigger challenge is finding someone you can confide in without risk of ruin.

What is communication but an expression of expectations?

Communication is the imparting or exchanging of information or news (Wikipedia). Nothing new here so far. However, there is more going on there. It is never just the facts when imparting or exchanging information or news. We also look to transfer our take on the topic or insert persuasion to win the recipient’s approval. We are communicating but expecting the other person to hear us. The desire is to be heard, and often, that desire overpowers our rationale, which leads to a distortion of the information. This is why communication is hard and takes a long time to perfect between two people.

I just returned from a short trip to Texas where I met up with a small group of guys from the life group my wife and I used to be a part of. Some of us have moved to other states so we got together in Texas to catch up.

There was a core purpose to this gathering and that was to make sure we are maintaining our friendships with each other. It’s hard to keep connected when you don’t have a common reason to gather anymore such as meeting weekly for our small life group.

Joel put together some moments for us to get into God’s word and share with each other and we spent the rest of the time eating Texas BBQ, playing Top Golf, and talking.

The first session was on Ephesians 6:10-20:

¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. ¹⁴ Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, ¹⁵ and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; ¹⁷ and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, ¹⁸ praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, ¹⁹ and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

Biblegateway.com

I spent some time alone reading and rereading the passage underlining and boxing words that stuck out to me (see the image below). Here is what stuck out:

• Be Strong
• Whole Armor
• Standing against
• Withstand
• Truth, righteousness, and readiness
• Shield of faith
• Helmet of salvation
• Sword of the spirit
• Ambassador
• Praying always
• Boldness
• Declaration
• Alertness
• The Word of God
• Stand!

There were a few items that stood out to me in greater detail and were mentioned multiple times in the passage. Whole armor stuck out as I thought about the times I simply walk around with my shield of faith in a bag as if it was something I pulled out during tough times. Here are more thoughts I had as we discussed the main passage together.

• James 4:7-8 Submit to God, resist the devil.
• Ephesians 4: 14-16 I am not easily influenced by the world. I speak truth in love making my whole body fit for His work.
• 1 John 5:19 I am a child of God and know what his word is.
• 1 Corinthians 2:16 We can know as we have the mind of Christ.
• We are outfitted with armor whether we want it or not. It might be the way we were raised or walls we put up during tough years of our lives. What armor are we letting the world put on us and is it serving us well?
• We must be aware of the flaming darts and fight them with the shield of faith. (v.16)
• Speaking truth fights the present darkness!
• This is not a method of attack but a preparation to fight evil with the truth.

We spent some time discussing attacks we frequently experience in life which led to discussion about our marriages.

• Communication is an expression of expectations.

Most men process information in a different way than women do. I often think of it like an image rendering. It starts with the foundation or the frame and it builds in more clarity as we get to the finer details. By the time the image is mostly complete, you can make out what the image is because there is enough context there. My wife likes to start with the finer details because that is the most important part to her. It takes me a moment to understand what she is trying to tell me because it lacks the context I need to connect it to something tangible.

The second session was on Matthew 17: 14-20

14 And when they came to the crowd, a man came up to him and, kneeling before him, 15 said, “Lord, have mercy on my son, for he has seizures and he suffers terribly. For often he falls into the fire, and often into the water. 16 And I brought him to your disciples, and they could not heal him.” 17 And Jesus answered, “O faithless and twisted generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him here to me.” 18 And Jesus rebuked the demon,[a] and it[b] came out of him, and the boy was healed instantly.[c] 19 Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?” 20 He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”[d]

Biblegateway.com

This section was tough as each of us in the group are dealing with something personally or in our families that we long for healing. However, a few things did stick out to me.

• My lack of faith is often the limiting factor.
• I often lean on my own understanding rather than looking for a better answer.

Overall this was a great experience with a really good group of guys. Unbeknownst to us, Joel had our families write us a letter which he gave to us on the final evening. Here are a few lines from that letter:

You have grown so much these past few years. To see you paying attention to the calling that God has given you and obeying even when it’s hard. Thank you for your wisdom, patience, and clarity. I’m sorry for the times I have pushed back.

I love it when daddy tickles and snuggles me. ~M

I think you are doing really good keeping our family happy and healthy and that when I’m having a hard time you encourage me to do the right thing. ~E

I love how you encourage me when I’m struggling and thank you for all of your hard work. ~C

I’m thankful that you take time our of your day every day to spent time with us. I especially love when we get alone time together. You are a great encouragement to me. ~L

Quotes from the letter.

I make a lot of mistakes, but they took time to encourage me. I really needed it. It’s hard work and it’s lonely. It’s much easier to find guys to talk about sports or anything else besides family. It’s much harder to find a group of guys who have their priorities set straight.

I’m looking forward to connecting with these guys again next year in Montana.

We are busy people. We wear our busyness on our chest like a badge of honor. Smalltalk often starts with a question related to busyness. We are so busy doing we rarely take time to consider being.

I have heard the phrase, “we’re human beings, not human doings.” However, it is most often our doings that lead to what gets us noticed. For example, the outward expression of an artist’s work catches the public eye, as does the music that a talented musician produces. So it’s no wonder we all strive to do more. We want to be noticed and appreciated for what we “do.”

Why is it that the “being” gets ignored? Probably because it’s not easily measurable. We are bombarded by requests for attention, from our jobs to smartphones and everything in between. Everything needs attention, and we are always notified of how much is still left to do.

Eventually, we get to a point where something needs to change because we have lost ourselves. We can’t live in a place of doing forever. As human beings, we are more than the collective sum of our output. We were created to be more than that. When doing is all we make time for, it doesn’t feel right. Deep inside, we know it.

We start to search for meaning by doing something different. Meaning, however, is found in being, not doing. Sure we can find fulfillment in the doing, but it can’t replace having a sense of being. To be fulfilled in outward expression, it must go deeper than the external result. The external result must resonate with your being.

This is starting to sound woo-woo, so let me land the plane:

To find fulfillment in the areas of doing in your life, such as your work, relationships, hobbies, and more, you must be content with your being. So many of us keep busy because we are not satisfied with ourselves. We don’t like being idle because that causes us to wrestle with our thoughts. You must get beyond that.

True fulfillment comes when the outward expression is driven from a place of internal contentment.

Internal contentment takes work. It takes being before you get to the doing.

It’s hard work, which is why so few attempt it. But if you’re reading this, you already know that. So get started!

Once a month or so, I come by this website and wonder what should I do with it. I started blogging in 1997 when I created my first website using Microsoft Frontpage. In 2005, I created a WordPress blog and started writing. Hundreds of posts on this website span back as far as that time. There is no rhyme or reason to this website anymore. If anything, it documents where I was and what I was thinking about at the time. However, I haven’t posted to it in years.

I often wonder if my old content has any value. Value is a measurement I use to determine whether or not something should be created or if something I created should continue to take up space. A few posts on this site continue to provide value, as I can measure that through web traffic analytics and comments left.

The biggest question I have is whether or not the content on this website provides meaning to me. Does it need to exist? Should I start over? Or just leave it and continue on?

Video and audio podcasts are easier for me to create. Spoken word travels out of my mouth faster than text from my fingers however, I recognize that the text I write is often more refined than my spoken word.

So how do you figure out what to do next? That question may, in fact, answer the questions I mentioned before. If what I want to do next benefits from the past, I should leave it. If it doesn’t, perhaps it’s time to start from scratch.

It’s possible I don’t yet know what is next. I have an idea, but I don’t know if it brings the level of value I hope it will. It also might be that I fear a lack of available time will lead to another undeveloped idea I will delete later. This isn’t my first rodeo.

There are too many mediums by which someone can share these days. It’s really hard to choose. Audio and video have taken over the written word. The attention span is far too short to read. Is the written word slowly dying? I can’t remember the last time I searched for something wanting a visual answer on anything other than YouTube.

Perhaps more time will help me figure this out. My family and I are about to leave on a month-long road trip in our travel trailer across eastern Montana, South Dakota, and Wyoming. I will attempt to use that time to figure these questions out.

If there is one thing I am recognizing now after having written this post, is that writing is therapeutic. Once you write it, it is done. A video or podcast has to be edited. It’s just thumbnails and waveforms on the timeline. The end result is a file. When I write, it’s all there before me. Whether someone reads this or not, I feel accomplished having written these words, more so than if I had spoken into a microphone.

See you soon.